from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
