fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
