State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
