I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
