I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
