I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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