the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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