That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
