these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
