Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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