I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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