i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
