i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
