the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
