I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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