i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
