there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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