I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
