I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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