your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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