I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
