Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
