I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
