people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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