When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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