Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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