im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
