To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
