what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
