i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
