can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
