I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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