Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize