i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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