yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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