When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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