Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
