Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
