are you so shy because you have an std?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
