Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
