I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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