bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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