Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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