Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
