you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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