dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
