According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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