He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
