I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
