your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
