he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
