i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
