I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
