im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
