She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
