True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
