It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
