i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
