In the future we'll all be gay
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
