If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize