??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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