good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
