neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
