Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
