dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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