Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize