She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
