is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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