can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You made out with two different species that night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize